these past few weeks have been odd—-to say the very least.
so much has happened, so much has been said, and so much has changed…and it all has happened in one semester. I feel different. I know I am different. but this different…I feel confident. I feel empowered. I feel like I have control. control is something I need. I have noticed my tendencies for minimal to extreme change when I feel lost: to dying my hair, cutting my hair, exercising more, eating less, eating more, hanging out with different people, spending more time alone, talking more with family, talking less with family, holding in, holding back, letting loose, letting go…
I have always known I have been perceptive of others but lately I have not given in to that guilt I feel for my actions on others. I have been doing what I want to do and not what I feel like I
haveto do. no one knows my story and no one besides me will. everyone will judge each other based on actions, simple as that. my recent actions have definitely surprised myself and others but I do not regret any of it.
I am tired of holding back because of this imaginary wall I built for myself. my life has always seemed to be controlled by others—-a creation built upon my desire to nurture and tend to others.
this is my promise to myself; I will love myself to the fullest, I will not punish myself for decisions that I make or do and to be completely honest with myself.