<begin rant>

so, I thought I would be a big girl today and get the rest of my shots today. turns out, I only had to take two. when I got home, I realized I still need like four more for my DR trip…great. 

do you know what really upsets me though? the fact that my nurse could not even spell my name right…IT WAS PRINTED ON MY FILE TOO…

like, seriously?! >:(
it’s not even a difficult name to spell! I understand that adding an extra L is a common mistake, but when it’s PRINTED on my file directly in front of you…there is no excuse.

ANDDD, she didn’t even put the bandaid on right…

GRRR. 

</end rant> 

I’m so disappointed how I performed last semester. although it wasn’t the worst, it still sucked. I’m too scared to tell my family or my trainers…worst part is that my trainers will find out anyways. great. 

hopefully, I can pull myself together and focus more on what’s important.

I want to have a weekend trip somewhere, anywhere…just pack up and leave with a few close friends and just go…

maybe sometime during spring semester I’ll get someone to go with me; it would be fun (I promise!) and anything to leave the bucknell bubble.  

hm, the beach sounds like a potential destination.  

I need to stop feeling so guilty for everything and realize that I need to do what’s best for me, first.  

taking naps is ruining my life. 

I am now awake at 5AM, eating ice cream.
this is the life right hurrr.  

I say this every single year, that I have been ranting about, but this year has just flown on by! 

it’s mind-blowing to think I was STILL in high school at the beginning of the year. it could be because I have terrible memory, but still. I remember all I had to worry about then was just keeping up my GPA, preparing for IB exams, figuring out girly Prom stuff, and graduation! Then summer came and all I was looking forward to was scourging up enough money for textbooks and life at the Buck. 

But, the details. all the drama with boys and life didn’t really bother me as much. 
I had one boyfriend and that did not last long. this year has been reallyreallyreally awkward for me, in the guys department. hahah, I can’t help but to really laugh at it…to guys not knowing how to ask me to Prom, a guy who kept persisting that I would go to Prom with him (hahah, I lovez you if you’re reading this!), guys who assumed I am going out with them (that I didn’t even know I was until someone else told me, better yet, when Facebook told me…suuuper awk~), and little…not going to say aloud…awk~ experiences. maybe it’s safe to say I don’t do well with guys, romantically. hahahah!

Family. ah, the finer highlights of my life. 
so much drama. not even within my family, it’s just all the stress that breaks us apart. financial issues that just won’t go away. I just wish my parents would just let go of their damn pride and move on just let go. 
I really need to talk to someone, all my pent up anger makes me a bitter person.  

School.
first semester was definitely a big drop for me. I was definitely not focused. my motivation just disappeared. maybe it’s because I was pursuing something I found absolutely boring and useless. I am so scared to try something that my parents and sister will be disappointed with. I think that’s my problem. I care too much about what people think of me. -more self-loathing here- 
end of this spiel on school, I HAVE to bring it up next semester. my GPA is suffering because of my stubbornness. 

Socially, I have realized that I have less friends than I had before. I have just stopped trying to meet new people, recently. and I think that’s a reason why I’ve become so bitter and mean to my current friends, I’m sorry guys :(
I guess I just have to get back out there and meet new people. Jeez, I’ve become so lame lately. And lastly, my current status. I’m ringing in the New Year solo. I’m not too sure, there is/was a guy. I don’t think that might go anywhere…he seemed to be different, in a refreshing-way. I think I’m just too weird. hahah. but seriously. I’ve thought about just telling him, but that’s a bit OOC for me and confrontations are never my thing. 

ohkay, enough self-wallowing-in-pity…for now. 

it seems the most romantic of the seasons. 

fires, slight breezes, tights and sweaters, hot teas, boots, hats, scarves…ah, I love it. if it could be autumn forever, I would love it.  

so my right hand has become useless. with the cuts I got from my vase shattering, it hurts when I bend my fingers. the cuts ends up reopening…and it is painful. I don’t even understand how I am so careless. 

I have given up packing for a while.

…and I leave tomorrow…hopefully I don’t forget anything important!

I have just finished my two-hour long AlcoholEdu exam and my Academic Orientation exam…and I’m ready to blow my brains out. It has been bugging me for the longest time that I kept blowing these exams off, so I isolated myself and took all of them at once…at least now I know I am done and set!

SN: I only have TWELVE days left till I depart to Bucknell, ahhh. I’m so nervous/anxious and sad at the same time. sigh, every day I have something planned. better make the most of it till then (:

1 - Who was the last person you texted? ethan, daniel.
2 - When is your birthday? july 14th.
3 - Who do you want to be with right now? no one.
4 - What sports do you play? tennis.
5 - Who is the first person in your contacts? aaron.
6 - What is your favorite song as of the moment? diamonds and waste.
7 - If you were stranded on an island, who do you wish to be with? someone who could keep me entertained.
8 - What do you feel right now? restless >.>
9 - What chocolate is your favorite? chocolate milk c:
10 - How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have? four.
11 - Why did you create a Tumblr account? cause I randomly stumbled upon it.
12 - Who is your favorite blogger? hm, quite a few actually.
13 - Where do you want to be right now? the beach.
14 - What do you want to be in the future? undecided.
15 - When was the last time you cried? Why? hm, a few weeks ago. family issues.
16 - Are you happy? pretty content, yup.
17 - Who do you miss? my sister :(
18 - If you were given a chance, would you like to have a different life? hm, I’m pretty happy where I am now. 
19 - What was the best thing you were given? the gift of life.
20 - Who was the last person who called you? hm, collins.
21 - What is your favorite dish? pasta! mmm.
22 - Who is your bestfriend? above all, my sister.
23 - What is your biggest regret? an incident that happened when I was fifteen.
24 - Have you ever cheated on your partner? no.
25 - Who do you spend crazy moments with? my bestfrans.
26 - Name someone pretty. my mother.
27 - Who was the last person you hugged? my dad.
28 - What kind of music do you listen to? a variety. 
29 - Are you over your past? somewhat, sometimes I reminisce on it.
30 - Who is the last person in your contacts? zak.
31 - What kind of person do you want to date? someone who isn’t scared to challenge me, but knows how to bring the best out of me. 
32 - Do you have troubles sleeping at night? sometimes.
33 - From whom was the last text message you received? ethan.
34 - What do you prefer, jeans or skirt? skirt.
35 - How’s your heart? beating.
36 - Did you ever have a girlfriend/boyfriend whose name starts with a “J”? nope.
37 - Do you like someone as of the moment? let’s not go into that.
38 - What would you want to say to your latest ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend? I still have your shirt ._.
39 - Do you have any phobias? er, I have a lot of fears.
40 - Did you try to change for a person? yes.
41 - What’s the nicest thing have you given to someone? I’m not too sure.
42 - Would you go back to your previous relationship? hm, I try not to think about that. 
43 - Are you in a good or bad mood? like above, I’m just restless. 
44 - Name someone you can’t live without. my family.
45 - Describe your dream date. hm, I kind of want a guy to surprise me. although I absolutely hate surprises, I think for a date, it would be really sweet. at home movie possibly. 
46 - Describe your dream wedding. a medium-sized wedding. where the reception is at night, outside in a large tent. it’s a lot prettier if I describe it in person, ha.
47 - How many roses did you receive last Valentine’s? a dozen. 
48 - Have you ever been kissed? yes.
49 - How long is your longest relationship? almost three years.
50 - Do you regret your past? sometimes.
51 - Can you do something stupid for someone else? depends on who.
52 - Have you ever cried over someone? yes.
53 - Do you have a grudge against anyone? I did. but I can’t hold one for too long.
54 - Are you a crybaby? not really.
55 - Do people praise you for your looks? yes.
56 - Did you fall for someone you shouldn’t? yes.
57 - Have you ever done something bad but you don’t regret? a few.
58 - Do you like getting hurt? not at all.
59 - Does anyone hate you? I wouldn’t be surprised.
60 - Did you slap anyone whose name starts with an “R”? nope.
61 - What hair color do you prefer? the color I have now, it’s so mixed.
62 - If you can change anything about yourself, what is it? my nose, I literally cannot smell anything. it’s so useless, especially during allergy season.
63 - Do you love someone as of the moment? my family.
64 - Have you ever thought of killing yourself? not that I ever recall.
65 - Do you have issues with somebody in your school? nah, I didn’t care enough.
66 - Can you live without internet? probably not. I’m way too connected.
67 - What’s the song that remind you of your special someone? midnight city.
68 - Are you good at holding back your tears? at times.
69 - Are you a crybaby? I’m sensitive, but I don’t usually start crying in front of others.

I feel so drained! maybe that’s because of all the traveling I’ve done.

I could never have a job where I had to travel every week. one more week till I’ll finally be sleeping in my bed! …for two weeks, then leave for Bucknell.

sigh, I feel like I spent most of my summer on the road.

I’m babysitting two little kids and it’s so entertaining. they have so much energy! I put them both in front of the mirror, and they’re just jumping, dancing, and laughing to their reflection.

kids are so easily entertained, it’s so cute (: