so I think one of my co-workers is trying to ask me to his prom…no. just no. I’m done with prom. I’ve experienced more prom than needed in a lifetime. 

but he’s cute. for trying. 

I’ve realized that I’ve stopped caring for what people think of me.

This thought came across when I was casually talking to one of my best guy friends about school and home.

I did terrible in school, and not just grades-wise, but I lost all motivation in myself. I didn’t feel like I could do anything right so I just gave up…and my grades definitely reflected that. It seems like a bad habit that I started. I always do awful at the beginning and then that scares me to do better. I openly admitted that I sucked in school. and that I really don’t have a home anymore. I’m beginning to pack up and get out of this house. and no, not the let’s move to somewhere better. it’s the let’s get the fuck out of here because 1) we can’t afford this place 2) there’s nothing happy about living in this area anymore 3) so many sad and awful memories live in this house 4) we’re poor 

I think that was one of the hardest things for me to admit: “my parents are broke and I have to move because we cannot afford to live here. and because my parents have filed for bankruptcy about 3 times already.” oh well. I think I’ve just gotten over this embarrassment. I don’t even know why I let myself become embarrassed by it. it wasn’t something I could control. but seeing my parents deteriorating, physically, mentally, and emotionally, tears me apart. I wish I could control it. 

here’s to a summer filled with packing, moving, summer classes, emotional distraught, working but I’m going to make every moment happy. or to the best possible extent. there needs to be more happiness. life is extremely way too short to be so sad. 

I mean, let’s be honest, I would have probably glued myself to netflixs and ice cream if I didn’t have anything to do…

slept for a solid half an hour. and now I feel wide-awake. fuck my sleeping habits. who needs sleep anyways, right? 

hmpf. 

I’m tired. not the tired as in whatever or physically worn out, but just mentally and emotionally drained. I think I’ve just become numb to everything that I just…simply do not care anymore.

I have too many expectations and hopes that are too high.

I forgot to eat today…how does that even happen? 

first day back at work and I already wanna quit. good thing I’m gonna be a server soon 👍 yayyy, gimme da monayyy.

fuck my life.

but actually. maybe this is all one giant nightmare.
…can I wake up now?

oh thank you jesus! I did better than I thought I did in that class; I was so sure I failed. 

Thank you creator of Megabus, you have made all my future trips possible. 

I AM SO EXCITED FOR SUMMER! 

you are absolutely wonderful, and I love you.